His Story...

He woke up before her. She was still sleeping peacefully beside him. She looked so innocent, he almost wanted to kiss her, the sweet and romantic good morning kiss one sees in the movies. But that would wake her up, and he didn’t want to wake her up especially since lately she has been working her ass off at the newspaper firm. Suddenly he felt the pangs of guilt. Was he doing the right thing? They were from two completely different worlds and that’s why he couldn’t promise her a future. She had said she didn’t care whether she would ever end up with him. All that mattered for her was her love for him. But did he love her that much? Did he love her at all? The question puzzled him. He couldn’t find an answer to that. So he just brushed off the thought from his head as he brushed off all other uneasy thoughts and walked out of the room.

He had made coffee and was reading the newspaper when he heard her enter the room. Oh my gosh!, he thought, she looks hot in my shirt! He had the urge to rush towards her and take her in his arms and burn her with his passion. But instead he said, “Oh! You are up? Good morning! Come join me.” Come join me? He felt like an ass for having said it. He could atleast have said something better, just to make her happy maybe. He wanted her to be happy, he didn’t know the reason, he just liked her that way.

Then a sudden realization struck him. He was the reason for her unhappiness. It pained her when he didn’t reply back her “love u’s” and kisses. Maybe she knows that I don’t love her. But a part of him screamed it was not true. But what could he do? He was bound by society. India is not a very easy place to live in afterall. Even though you have people who care for you, more often than gaining freedom from it, you are chained down to strict norms and rules. And he was not one of them. He was not a rebel or even a revolutionary. He wanted to live within the accepted norms. He was not like her who was ready to sacrifice all else for her beliefs. Did he have beliefs? Would he live and die for them like her? He didn’t know what his beliefs were.

Well… he can’t do anything about that or her. He brushed away the thoughts as usual. And instead of saying that he cared for her he announced that he had to leave. Oh! God! Why did he always have to come up with such lame excuses? Can’t he come up with something better? Atleast so that it won’t hurt her anymore? He looked up at her. Damn! It’s coming yet again he thought. That expression of anger was familiar to him. Afterall it was his fault, he should have told her when he planned to leave when he had come. But then he hadn’t planned on leaving then either. How was he going to explain it to her?

Yes, the argument took place, the argument that he was trying to avoid. And it was an ugly one. Yet again the skeletons from the past were being dug up and flung at each other. He knew that simply a warm hug would stop the argument. But he had to act like an ass like all other times. Therefore, she ended up crying. That did it for him yet again. Why did he feel guilty? He was responsible for her tears. But why? He didn’t have the answer. Not yet. It can’t be love, he thought. Se he looked up at her and said why would he lie to her? It was important that he left and that he was sorry he hadn’t told it to her earlier.

Atleast he was sincere about that. And she believed him too. She came up to him and hugged him and

brushed her lips against his. He felt stupid, he was the one supposed to hug her and not vice versa. But he had a history of screwing things up. The soft touch of her body reminded him of the passionate night. He didn’t feel like letting go of her. Why didn’t he feel like leaving her? That feeling was quite new to him. Was he falling for her? He better not think about it. “Call me when you have reached home,” she said. Yes, that was typical of her. She was always concerned about him and he felt very lowly for not being able to return the love that she desired. Love was free, afterall! In this world of cruelty only love was free, and she was the wiser one for having realized it. He looked up at her, mumbled a goodbye and left.